Refocusing the "Response"

In sharing the gospel and trying to guide people into the clear basics of following Christ in the "gospel shaped life", I continue to wrestle with better ways to bring clarity to the simplicity and essential nature of all believers being  Worshippers, Spiritual Family and Missionaries (Love God, Church, the world).

I would like some help.

I welcome feedback from anyone willing to comment below.  I am including below, the wording of the "snapshot" version of the "Response" found on the gospelinsix.org homepage and in the 2018 printing of the booklet. I am placing it alongside a new version. Let me know your thoughts on which would better give vision to gospel living.

But, for reference, be sure to read the whole Snapshot version first (its super short).  Then proceed.

Both Versions of "Response" Start with this...
The only way a person will be reconciled to God through Christ, is through asking God to apply the work of Jesus to transform him from a self-centered rebel, to a God-centered person who loves and obeys Him. Such a repentance and plea for salvation is called “being saved by grace through faith”. From that moment on, God reconciles that person to Himself and He becomes their treasure and authority. 

Current Version End
Each of God's adopted children are a part of His beloved family which He calls the "Church." Helped by the Holy Spirit that the Father has placed in each believer, the members of this family love God and one another as they dedicate their lives to the mission of God---to represent their Father and bring His Gospel to the entire world.    

Proposed Version End
The Father sends His Spirit into each of His Children to enable them to thrive with supernatural power. This new thriving life is defined by three new loves. First, they love God—knowing Him through reading HIs Word and prayer. Second, the love His family (the church)—investing their hearts and lives into one another as Christ modeled for them. Third, they love His world—compassionately pointing them to Christ, the only King and Savior of all.

​Thoughts?